It’s quiet in the house right now. Coffee is brewing. It’s one of those mornings where I don’t want to turn the light on….just a small lamp for some soft light. The crows are going at it outside. It’s just another morning.
My heart has just felt so weird the past couple of days. Sadness over Be’s passing. Intense passion about what God’s asking me to do. Total giddiness over the words and crazy open doors and confirmations and encouragements that are being given to me right now. An overriding desire so strong that you will GET IT. That you’ll make that jump and totally surrender yourself to God. That you’ll just be dissatisfied with where you are. That your spirit will feel hungry and you’ll have an overwhelming desire to feed it.
You guys, I’m nothing. I’m just a girl from podunk who knew the truth and royally screwed it up anyway. Who looked for attention in all the wrong places. Who measured her own behavior by those around her instead of by what God said was acceptable. Who claimed to know Him but never spent any time with Him. Who had wake up call after wake up call after wake up call before she finally got it, and by then had a laundry list of junk to deal with. But you know what, He’s been so good to me in all of it. He was patient with me. And He led me out. He brought me to a place of surrender. He’s searching my heart and dealing with my junk (stuff that I didn’t even know I had). And I get it. I’m learning His nature. I know His voice.
I can’t sit here and tell you what God wants you to do. If you want to know what He wants you to do, you’re gonna have to start walking with Him. Getting in tune with the Spirit. Start saying yes to the things He’s telling you to do, and all of a sudden you’ll hear Him more and more and more. Be faithful with a little and He’ll entrust you with more (Luke 16:10).
A couple nights ago I was working in the office and I remembered something. When we moved into this house, we had new carpet put in. Casey ripped out the nasty, cat-stuff-soaked carpet and pad and bleached everything. Before the carpet guy came I got a Sharpie and my Bible and went around the house writing verses on the concrete. A sure foundation for us to stand on. I’d forgotten some of the verses that I wrote, so I opened my iPhoto and found the pictures that I took (knowing that I would forget). In the office, where I sit and type to you, is this:
See, I can do some planting and watering. I can tell you what works. I can tell you 100,000 times to read your Bible like you inhale. Pray like you exhale. I can thump my Bible and SCREAM IN CAPS LOCK, get bold in bold, emphasize in italic. But Jesus said “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him” (John 6:44). I guess that’s the faith part. I have to believe that I’m not doing all of this for nothing. That God’s word won’t return void (Isaiah 55:11). That it will draw you to Him.
I can tell you that you have to be saved. That He’s already made you holy so you better act like it. That He has a good plan for you. That you “are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God has prepared beforehand, that (you) should walk in them.” (Eph 2:10). But I can’t make you GET IT. That’s His job.
Would you just spend some time in prayer now? Ask God to search your heart. Ask Him to give you more of His Spirit. Then listen to Him when He tells you what to do. When you start to really do that, it gets addicting. You feel so alive, so chosen when you’re walking with Him that you start saying GOD, okay, now what!? Now what!? Let’s do some more, let’s grow some more, give me MORE OF YOU.
I’m just a woman reading my Bible and praying and realizing more and more how much I need Him. And you need Him. Respond to HIM, girl! Live out your calling. Make your life COUNT, not safe. Talk to EVERYONE about Jesus. Let them know Him by your life. Let your kids know Him by your life. Let the guy at the grocery store know Him by your care. Fall in LOVE with the one who made you and let that LOVE ABOUND more and more. Let God GROW you and push you and chasten you and heal your wounds that you didn’t even know you had. ABIDE in Him and stop being fake about it. Confess your sin and idolatry and burst your safe little bubbles. And I’ll do it with you.
Well, have a nice day!